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i still cant change... @

if i believe love can make me stronger..

i still cant change after these years.. i came to realise although i DO change after these years... i am still myself.. i always get affect easily...

why is everyone calling me a boy? do i look that weak to them? its hard to find someone that really understand u alot... i did find someone.. but i lost tt person to time... somehow or rather.. we are rather distant now...

i find no point in talking out to anybody... really.. people care more about themselves... nope.. i not trying to say people are selfish.. but i dun wana be a burden... im a burden to most of my friends.... yarh.. im sad.. im depressed... i feel practically USELESSS...

but like anyone.. i like the feeling of knowing someone will miss u.. someone care for u... everyone do..

im leaving singapore.. hopefully for good.. coz im really tired of this crappy world... if not.. i hope during this trip.. ill sort my feelings out.. juz take it im out on holiday... till den.. i sincerlly hope everyone will take care of themselves... oh yarh... if anything happen to my family while im away.. my brothers.. please.. help me attend to it...

quote of the day-
im leaving..

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=( @

im sorry for not putting enough effort.. not enoufh effort to let people understand me.. not enoufh effort to stay in contact.. and lastly not enough effort to help meself..

i saw prisy today.. damm glad to see her happy and stuff =)... way to go prisy!... got loads and loads to tell her but duno where to start.. aw well.. wish u luck on ur love life kie... no matter what u do.. juz be happy...

surposed to go to fisherman today.. but ended up in white sands mac... after that went to hit the beach for some heart to heart talk... not much actually.. headed home.. played cs tilled now...

was reflecting on things... i juz came to realised that it all take 2 hands to clap... sher was preaching me on stuff... she said something like if i go depressed she will go depressed too... its true that my behaviour affects my friends.. but sometimes its not as easy as it is... i dun wana open up.. i dun wana speak up.. i wana be myself... i am who am i... if u people wana see my fake smile so be it.. but deep inside me im still who am i...

well.. im leaving for vietnam soon... maybe after that things will sort it ways out.. for now.. im juz contented with who i have...

quote of the day-
he who believe himself succeeddssssss

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....... @

im broke =(..

hmm.. keep going out these few days ba... thats why im broke... have to start saving le.. ting's birthday coming... need to buy a couple of stuff for some people too..plus i have alot of buy from my wish list..

hais.. duno why feel so sad nowadays... maybe too free le.. then think too much things... but for a couple for very real reasons.. i do feel sad and regertful... sometimes times drags people away from each other... in turn.. people feel distant from each other.. i really missed the days.. back in those days when nothing but playing comes first... so much activties.. like unlimted energy de...

hais.. i duno what is the real reason for my mood... gona find in during my vietnam trip perhaps...

quote of the day-
time..

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在我忘记之前 =( @

feeling of happiness gone le.. left me in sadness...

hmmm.. am i really getting old or wad... i forget things everynow and den.. did alot of my frends de quiz... close friends somemore.. still can get points like 20 or 30... i forget what ting likes... blah blah blah.. im really getting old...

i duno what to blog.. always have alot to blog.. but duno how to put in in words.. anyway.. im going to vietnam soon.. gona miss everyone here for a week.. =(

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wierd.. @

can someone explain why im feeling sad and happy at the same time?

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what did i say.. @

can anyone remember wad did i tell sher back den in the lasteast chalet. on the last night.. when i was drunk?

quote of the day-
i wana noe =(

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read if u want to @

DISCLAIMER: this post is soley on my own perception of things, read it at ur own risk. Comments are NOT welcomed. Please keep it to urself.

1st Rule- there is no meaning of coming out together and walking together

Analysis- walking together and coming out together is totally a different thing. so what? it may mean that u all are together in a SAME building. doing the SAME thing. so? come on what age already still together together, what do u think this is? a kindergarden game? yarh today everyone tried to put in an effort, for the first time after SOOOO long. come on its the first try... what matters the most is BEING together. understand?

Conclusion- everyone have their little problems... understand fully before u comment. Oh ya, try to avoid the "me and me and who thinks the same way" its practially useless, if u have a problem to handle, face it, rather than fan it. Ganging up on ur OWN mate is not encouraged.

2nd Rule- There is a reason behind everything.

Analysis- from the bo chup people(like me), to the mai chup ones to the bo hiew ones.... there are every kind of them in our group. but to simplify things, everything happens for a reason. the reason i say this is becoz i have a reason for this. and the reason for u people to conflict is ur own reason. everyone does things for a reason. but in the end of the day it is the differences of the reason that lead to the conflicts- understand?

Conclusion- learn to understand reasons 1st before group dynamics steps in. Remember, reasons holds different vaules to each and everyone.

3rd Rule- Not everyday is sunday.

Analysis- not everyday is sunday, being not every outing has to be the same. To think about it, think about the ubin cycling trip? the night cycling trip? the first few sentosa trip? and the ball games trip... and compare it to the numberous chalets and shopping outings we have. Different activites ask for different approach. we cant possbily excpet everything outing to be the same, things will turn out rather boring isnt it?

Conclussion- learn to accept the fact there people stick with people they feel comfartable with. (yes comfartable , coz we all fart). there are few activites that only ask for us to be united. these activies are hard to come by..

4th rule- we all love each other

Analysis- this is the most easy to understand rule. we all love each other, thats why we bother to waste time and energy to quarrel. for those who thinks that me, laopo, jason, kheng, and mh ran away and conflicted with us, think that we dun care.. U ARE DUMB.. we all love each other.. if not we wun be bothered.. will we?

conclusion- Find one day. have a heart talk. i have been YELLING FOR it since last chirstmas... we all love each other.. talk it out...

Peace out -
DISCLAIMER: this post is soley on my own perception of things, read it at ur own risk. Comments are NOT welcomed. Please keep it to urself.

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=( @

why.. why is the idealogy of man so different from the reality?

this world is cruel.. that u want is not always equal to what u get...

suddenly feeling all sad and depressed again... dun ask me why... recently have been getting all this shitty stuff again and again.. hey its 14/4/05.. happy aniversary to jason and rayna... maybe its kinda fated.. but somehow it happened on the same day... NOPE.. dun think.. im not thinking of her anymore... let her in the memories in my heart...

i feel sad... sad for myself.. sad for my friends... sad for many things... but why am i so bothered with so many stuff which, most of them are not even related to me? maybe ignorance is really a blissed... im not long the elmo that can share ur problems with... i became more unwilling to listen...

i dun wish to be lidat..

quote of the day-
empty little heart..

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why? @

i feel fucking down.. i duno why..


i went to the doctor today.. think doctor understood my needs and gave me pills.. 4 packets in totoal.. i have to take 8 onace i reach home.. how i wish those were killer pills and i would die after eating that..

well.. chatted with mh, sher, moon and kheng.. conference on the phone juz now... though they sound really happy... coz they were crapping ma.. i juz put down the phone.. fuck.. im feeling fucking sad.. i duno why....

why why why... my life is almost perfect.. i got a nice family... as in its not that bad.. though i dun believe in the idea of friends.. i still have friends around me... i dun yearn for a BGR... i dun need one.. why why why...

perherps there are too many things i did to disappoint myself.. too remorseful to state... maybe its all coming back to me...

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the good old days.. @

woke up feeling damm tired today... slept again a little.. after waking up.. went to meet ting and went to bugis..

saw nana at mrt station.. =)... after that me and ting went to bugis.. actually wanted to call mellie along but she got assignments.. *work hard kie*.. ting was sooooooooooooooo retarded today.. she keep telling me lame jokes.. and curing people around her.. lol.. wanted to look for job in bugis de.. but decided not to...

hmm.. hang aroudn a little.. den go meet raine and shiya.. came to think of it.. we haven go out lidat since the O lvl days? were we acutally studied? hmm.. anyway details are not meant to be said... go ask them..

i feel mixed today... abit of happy.. but still kinda depressed.. DEPRESSED is not equal to DEPRESSION... hais.. buck up...

quote of the day-
all i need is a pieece of heaven..

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i have been letting myself down... @

hais.. feeling super low.. but not depressed.. recieved my results.. ya.. was expected... 2 B.. 2 C and a D.. and i failed my CDS...

compared my result to last sememster... i realised how much i slacked.. how much i drifted away from my goal..last sem one A.. all Bs... i really have been letting myself down... really been childish.. too much distractions.. not enuff self control...

-SL CAMP-
synergy leader camp rocks... really.. the freshman this year are going to have a hell of fun.. hmm.. though my group was the smallest.. we won 3rd overall.. but really have to say the bonding is not there.. din put in the effort ba.. but i came to know alot of new friends.. thats a good thing..

enuff of depression le.. im now facing the aftermath of the camp.. sick.. and my sleeping time is farked again... aw well..

self reflection: elmo a elmo.. ur life is so meanlingless now.. so aimless.. beta find urself back...

quote of the day-
all i want is a piece of heaven

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cool.. @

innocent kiss
innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way


What Sign of Affection Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

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next time if u wana shoot people.. TYPE NAMES.. @

YANWS.. stop talking about S.O.X and stuff... stop looking down on people...
i dun care what people think of me after i say this.. but here goes..

TO YEE TENG AND SABBY

FIRSTLY, I AM NO LONGER S.O.X

2ndly.. whats the big fuss about? moon's moving on in life.. have u gals got nothing bether to do?
whats wrong in moving on with her life? shes done with s.o.x she moves on... i must say this..
I AM NOT SIDING or DEFENDING anyone.. i juz cant stand the injustice... though we meant good to her,
some of our words are abit hards.. yes see that? HARSH... its all perceptive, to u, it may be out of goodwill
to her.. to hear someone close saying those to is like needles agaist ur heart...

3rdly.. STOP looking down on people.. PRIS u done a good job... u done well and manage to handle it well..
well to u two gals.. getting in to MJC and getting 17 points for O lvl is not a great deal isnt it?
COME ON.. think back.. what were u peep doing around this period.. nah nah.. shut up.. U KNOW what u are doing
if she's determined enough.. u gals prepare to eat ur words... 10 points for O lvl isnt hard...
ever heard of the term success = 99% hardwork and 1% talent? obivously her talent is more than u peep,
LOOK... getting into a JC or a POLY din mean u can look down on people.. u guys should go out and look at the real
society... oh please.. SHUT UP.. she has her own life.. WHO are u to interfere?

4thly.. i AM emotional.. i AM depressed.. so? what? separate from S.O.X? shut up... im no even in s.o.x in the first place
to being with.. me separate? look whose talking.. for ur INFO.. im hanginout with song lim, kheng wei, jason, zhong, boon siang
and having GREAT time... see that? GREAT... come on... nothing last forever.. breaking up is inveitable... to me i treat people on
how they treat me.. SHUT UP.. i dun wana hear about "u dun appreciate me" tt kind of stuff...
sherilyn , zhengxi, denise, mh, zhong, jason, songlim, kheng, boonsiang... these are the people who mattered to me now...u peep
disscrimate.. SHUT UP.. look at kheng... hes one bloody nice brother and one person who understand the meaning of
brothership? .. look what u done to him... SEE HIS NUMBER = DUN ANSWER? wtf? nah nah... if u cant treat people fairly
u cant except people to treat u fair too..

5thly.. S.O.X... forgoodness's sake im not even part of it... blah blah say we are united... LOOK.. OPEN UR EYES
after O lvl, it was never the say.. since den when den we go out together.. as in REALLY together.. everyone
hanginout in their little own clicks.. even bintan trips too... i SURE im not the only one saying about this...
ya.. breaking up is inveitable... staying together and understanding each other are too diferent matters...
thats one of the reasons i left..

so whats S.O.X now? nothing but a name...
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PS: I DUN BLOODY CARE what others think about what i juz said... u hate it u love it ur prob... i juz cant stand injustice...

PSS: oh ya.. im not out to wage war.. i juz wan u peep to think... people have different perceptive.. people have different goals
and their own freedom... MJC? biG? for all u know.. somebody u look down on will have a very successful life lata on.... use ur
words more tactfully... avoid hurting people.. on juz to let teng know.. i dun care what others think about me now...

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quote of the day-
words are meant to aid communication, not to aid huminiliation..

PSS: THIS IS SPECIALLY FOR TENG AND SABBY

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next time if u wana shoot people.. TYPE NAMES.. @

YANWS... blah blah blah blah i read about it so much.. sabby and teng.. u all wan say moon.. juz say the name la.. teng u wan say me.. say my name.. say my name say my name..~

First and foremost, I am no longer S.O.X

2nd... i not defending moon or what.. u gals ought to look at urself, come on what were u people doing during the period before Os... mugging? nah nah nah.. shut up.. i dun wana listen... juz becoz teng u got into MJC... and sab u got 17 points means that gives u the right to say or look down upon her.. BEFORE u say about others.. think about urself 1st.. maybe use that little common sense of urs... she has her dream.. she has her life... what the big fuss? anyway shes not ANTI S.O.X neither am i... we WERE once a great group.. will touch on that later on in the blog..

3rdly, I AM emotional.. if not im not elmo.. I AM DEPRESSED.. so? i have my life? do i have to fucking listen to u? NO.. everyone saying the samething to me.. i appreciate that.. but for u to say me? what? separate from S.O.X? whose separting anyway... me, song , kheng , zhong , jason , boon siang are never closer than before... i AM myself.. i can judge what i see.. stop thinking im still small blah blah.. i may act like a kid.. but come to FRiendshiP thingy... please i have seen more than u two do..

4thly.. before i sound like u both... i must say... the history of S.o.X gone a long way... however nothing is forever... breaking up is inveitable... juz open ur eyes and look.. oh ya we may be hanging out with people alot.. BUT.. do we really understand and care for each other? look at kheng, he's one bloody loyal and nice person.. look what u did to him when u see his phone number? if u were in sherilyn and jason's shoes in the GV incident, will u do the same?... to me.. SL, KW, ZHOng , jason , bs , zx, sherilyn.. i feel that they appreciate me.. nah nah shut up about "u dun appreciate us" blah blah that stuff.. i know what im talking about...

so whats S.O.X now? nothing more but a name

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PS: this is delicated to YEE TENG and SABRINA... please.. dun use ur words to hurt people.. dun look down on others... people have their own dreams.. their own life... im sure u peep dun like being look down right? yaya im chidlish.. shut up.. i had enough of that... go on say things about me i dun care anyway... u will never know who will be the most successful in life among the people around u

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quote of the day-
Words are meant to aid communication.. not hurt people

PSS: I dun care what others think.. bt i believe what im doing is correct

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cant sleep.... @

i reached home today... had a bathe den watch the last epi of Mai Hime.. den wanted to go and sleep.. somehow felt abit wierd... PUKED! luckily i din dirty my room... after that felt better.. den fell asleep..

hmm had a whole day rest at home.. did a little self reflection agian... i still feel abit depressed now and den.. felt alot beta...the angles around me have been trying very hard to cheer me up... i appriciate that...

hmmm sometimes im bloody confused.. i can say i dun believe in friends.. yet sometimes i need them.. i may say im not getting attach.. but i longed the feeling of... duno how to explain... i duno... this is not a good thing.. i must chnage..

elmo! wake up! back to reality.. u have been in lala land for too long..

quote of the day-
depressed

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this week nv go home le... @

weee its now 3rd of April.. which meant that i haven been home for 4 days ... was staying over at the chalet of my last semester classs.. then yesterday went over to nana house to stay over.. today im now at kheng's house...

chalet-
nothing much happened but nevertheless enjoyed it.. the only thing is.. why must BGR at this age involve so much of physical contact? love should never be physical, its hard to really see if a guy loves a gal for her heart or her body...

Apirl's fool-
actually wanted to go out with nut de.. in the end lazy to travel far... so met up with kuan li and ting!! so long nv see them le.. next we went to nana's house to meet her.. melody and louis soon come after that.... we chatted and play around... after that we went to kopitiam for supper... then nana's friends came.. when he left nana super sad.. duno why =(... hmm... after that we went back to nana house and chatted.. suposed to chat about gossip and stuff but ended up talking about ghost stories.. den we have to cuddle together coz the gals were afriad of somehting beisde them.. haha.... anyway i found a oinking mate.. thats melody.. lol.. ya i gave a quite a lot of name as well.. wad waffle face... ju-on gal version blah blah blah... soon we all feel asleep...

2/4/05- HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEILI
oh ya forgot to wish her yesterday.. happy birthday meili.. hmm.. woke up feeling super tired... nana's mum is super nice she cooked for us.. however ting have to go to her ahma house.. den mellie have to work..we cant stay for long.. me and louis took bus home... on the way we were talking about how we missed secondary school life.. how we miss the times we had in sch and co.. well those time are hard to bring back.. anyway we should look on towards life rite. =)
reach home around 2pm.. acutally wanted to sleep.. but rang up people to go to town..met them up at a5pm.. after that we went off to BUGIS instead of town.. sad.. hmmm anyway im now at kheng's house playing mahjong.....think tml i going out again.. wee i haven been home since tuesday... oh ya i going to school camp soon... gona be two weekss.. haha..


well im off to watch jason play game.. =P.. psst hes luffing to himself.. lOL..

quote of the day-
i need that special someone in my heart..

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