footstepsbank

reflects @

and here i go reflecting.

like many other male counterpart out there.
im not good at communicating my feelings, or rather how to protray them.
and its pretty funny.
those girlies i missed so much. and yet i wana skip that dbl O outing.
those sox girls i used to hang out with, and yet i skipped those outings.
even yongkun (who is in army) and jony (who came back from indonesia) made efforts to ask me out. and yet i rejected them.

i always told myself to hold those special to me close to my heart.
and yet at the other end im isolating myself from them.

people tell me after i got my lisence i became more materialistic.
and HELL YEAH i am.
im taught to be materialistic.
its a dog eat dog world.
after having my lisence, i start to recieve wierd msges, and letters.
it simple. u have a lisence. u drive. u fetch .u become a fucking dog.
LOOK. i dun mind fetching people or anyone who are ON THE WAY.
but dun expect me to go from east area to town just to pick someone up.
and YES.
if i do buy a car.
its going to be a fucking 2 seater.
so people can fucking watch me drive ALONE.
with my BAG on the seat beside me.

am i really that easy to be made use of?
i have to thank ting and raine , to some extent on helping me
i really enjoyed hanging out with friends at night.
but sometimes the thought of driving around makes me sick.

i love to drive. its true.
but not with blasting speakers. undecisive passgers who do not know the way.
its make me wana throw everyone out of my car.
whatever it is.
ii have changed.

his footsteps

CLOSED @

BlOG CLOSED TILL FURTHER NOTICE

his footsteps

emo thoughts. @

let my emo and thoughts flow in this entry.

countless people have been asking me.
why do i go to the seaseme website when i visit ur blog.
they dont have my password.
and my password is not easily given (unless u hack of course).

looking back.
i am still a failure.
in my 18 years of life.

i never did something that my parents are proud of.
not of one that i know.
my secondary sch chinese orchestra days. overshone by my sista.
my results cant be compared with my sister anyway.
and joining the student councils means wasting time to them.
even my family.
whole of them.
getting into poly was nothing compared to my sista getting into NTU.
and when my sista pass her liscence. everypne praised her.
when i did. i got nothing.

and i start to feel im a burden to my family.
it seems that all i do is.
ask for money.
money. and more money.
its true i spend alot more on than my sista.
shown in the bank account.
and i realised i have been draining more on the resources the older i grow.

and talk about care.
i think my family define that as money.
its true.
when i completed my secondary sch education. they gave me money to go for holidays.
when i got my lisence. they gave my the car key. and wanted to buy a car for me.
when i go out. i easily have $20 in my wallet. without asking.
all i need is to just open my mouth and ask. or reach out for the cash
that wasnt what i needed.
when i got caught for shoplifting, covering up someone esles asses.
all they did was bailed me out.
and din say anything.

mummy. daddy.
if u see this.
i want to let you know.
i appreciate you for bringing me up.
but cold cash isnt what i wished for.

you taught me the basic principals when im young.
the days where daddy is still a junk collector.
u taught me the importance of working hard, having frends and plan for the future.
i learnt how happy was back then.
the days where daddy was a taxi driver.
we went to grand's house more often as a family.
and now. the days when daddy made it.
we cant even have dinner together.
i rather have the simplicity of life.

and for who am i today.
i learnt the hard way.
not to trust people easily.
and i know deep inside there are people who make use of me.
of my cash. of my lisence. of ME.
and society taught me to put on a fake front.
its a mircial for me to step so far.
raine. tine. sox. brother[x]. rachel and numberous friends
they shaped my life.
and of course the only relationship that i have been into.

if i were to choose.
forget the blings blings.
pamper me. dote me . spoil me.

and . i swear .
i will excel . succeed. outshine my sister in the future.
watch me.

his footsteps

staridol. @

its been a bad day for me.

jac's out of staridol.
i watch her cried on television.
tears went down as well.

a dream of her that she did not complete.
anyway hope to see her in sch more often.

i hate being a chaffer.

his footsteps

=D @

im so bored at home.
no exams. AGRH.

i miss rachy!
she called me today.
whine about some sch stuff.
about this teacher who keep picking on her..
i taught her to do something dramatic next time the teacher pick on her.
talk to the table.
talk to her shoe
talk to her hand
talk to the chair
and when the teacher is teaching.
stand up and shout at the table
I HAD ENOUGH.
and walk off.

that would be so nice.
then again.
i miss rachy

his footsteps

holidays? @

im dead bored at home.
everyday i wake up.
face the computer.
go for supper at night.
sleep.
and the cycle goes on and one again.

heh.
i have the car this week!
woot!
but agrh. it seems no one is free to go out with me.
how i wished i had something to do during holidays.

anyway. brought kelly's LOVE ME and jj's CAO CAO.
not bad.
but have to say kelly have the potential to do better.
her songs made me think.
jj songs kinda sound bad.
but after listening it again and again.
not bad larr.. still soso.
jj vs kelly.
kelly won this round.

date me out everyone!

his footsteps

the sea. @

had so much fun yesterday!

went sentosa with hanwei, jinsiong, andrew, mervo, jun, chao yan , jansie and kailing.
played volleyball. soccer. swim.
jansie cant swim though. felt that we left her out abit.
nevertheless everyone was burnt!
looking forward to the next cycling trip, or ice skating, or bbq at my house.
will upload the photographs soon.

valentine's day was simple.
this wear. i din buy any roses for anyone.
i think no one noticed. see what i mean now?
ANYWAY. rachel brought me chocolates. =) . fel brought me chocolates =)
chocolates =).
i need to hunt prezzies for them back soon.

valentines day no longer special anymore.

anyone knows where sells kelly poon's cd?

his footsteps

desperate @

nowadays.. i realised i hardly have someoen to turn to when im bored or down.
i used to have shiying, dewgong, dar.. etc..
but everyones been so busy.
either with projects, work, school, or their own lives.

let me demostrate.
a typical bored me in sch. looking for someone to whine about.
down i scroll down the list.

ms koh. - she have her own problems.. and besides. i din need to whine to her about my probs.she just knows them.
ms huang. - shes not someone i would whine to. but someone i would seek solution from.
ms chan. - where did my fav ms chan xiao ting went?
ms ho. - not someone i will whine to.
ms lim. - not someone i will whine to.
ms boo - LOL. no hp number
dewgong - shes so busy pa tor pa tor pa tor. slap her!
dar! - busy~

etc etc.. other than those, i cant think of anyone i could turn to for my problems.
its either i FEEL wierd talking to them, or i cant bring myself to talk to someone whose attached.

i dun wana be tagged as a relationship breaker.

oh ya.. having desperate as the title of this post.
brings me to another point.
so far i recieve 3 dates for valentine's day.
but i turned them down.
coz i wun wana date someone who likes my car.. my cash.. my card.. but not me.
REALISTIC BITCHES. STAY FAR.
oh. every year its a traditon of me giving out roses
since secondary two.
i rmb i ordered 20 roses then.
the following year 30.
sec 4 i order 10 (becoase im attached then).
i gave out 40 last year.
this year i wun be giving out roses anymore...
i wana be abit selfish.
most of my precious found their happiness already.
can i save the roses for myself?

his footsteps

dangers @

after 9 days of driving. i fully understand the dangers of traffic.

the top of the list is.
DO NOT USE YOUR HANDPHONE WHEN U DRIVE.
today i wanted to call liwei on the way to her school.
and i nearly banged into the lancer infront of me.
luckily. andrew shouted in time to stop me.

next. check ur blind spot.
i had enough stupid taxi drivers
who never check their blind spots and turn out.
fuck them. i horn then and then stare at me.
WHAT? P-PLATE CANOT HORN U IZZIT?

anyway. i love driving.
ive decided.
not to buy a car.
as much i loved subaru WRX , suzuki swift or lancer.
i wana save my money.
who knows i need it for my futher education or starting up a business?

------------
i watched "I not stupid too" with liwei.
nice show i must say.
PS: RACH DUN TELL ANYONE MY SECERT
but i wonder.
everything is not like the movies.
what happen to those broken families?
maybe jack neo cant foresee this.
but there are more and more broken familes in singapore.
rach i understand how u feel.
if u feel like crying. tell me.
ill drive u away to somewhere and let u cry.
until u feel better.

and for my friends who are unfortunated to have such familes.
i salute u.
coz u are much stronger than me.
much better than me.

i drove dar to school today. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

his footsteps