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thoughts-edit @

define happiness.

still remember the days,
where everything's that simple.
i brought you out for supper.
i brought you to the movies.
i sent you home
i accompanied you when you were bored. tell you jokes that aint funny
i asked if you had eaten, or rested enough because of your work.
i din had to bother about people around you,
simply because i had not fallen so deep.

but now everything seems different even though
i still bring you out for supper,
i still bring you to the movies, (click was the 7th movie we watched)
i bring you to gatherings,
i still send you home.
and still does go to that special place.
i accompany you when you were bored,
talk you to sleep, sing you silly songs
say "i love you" every 00:00.
but i stopped asking about you.
and started to get bothered by everyone else.

everyone wants a special someone.
a special someone who belongs to them.
remember the day when i told u that i had a crush on you.
we talked about expectations,
and everything came true now.

i have my own expectations of myself,
i have my own expectations of you.
i withdrew my expectations of you,
which only seems to hurt me more.
maybe now you will start to understand why i withdrew them all.

you din change
i din change
we din change,
the only difference now compared to last time,
is we fell deeper.

i dont need you to tell me that you miss me,
i dont need you to tell me that you love me.
but i want you to know i miss you,
and i want you to know i love you.

i told you before i din know how to be a good boyfriend.
sorry that im a disappointment.
i know there will always be people there for you.
i want to be there too,
but there are always too many noises before i could reach you.
i read our past convo, i recall our past converstations
i realised i always shut you before you could tell me anything.

supper,
movie,
dinner,
stayovers,
mashed potatos,
our special places.

my silly dodo,
if you ever read this (which i dont know when).
maybe you will understand, maybe you wont.
i admit i was very disappointed that i could not spend your birthday with you.
you are way too popular, and too many people love you.
and that makes me think other wise.

I LOVE YOU.
so?
I MISS YOU.
so?
I CARE FOR YOU.
so?
I WANT YOU.
so?
i always thought im doing things because i love you.
but on your birthday i realised there's another reason to it.
so what if i love you?! your friends love you too.
maybe im different, or maybe im just like any other friend of yours.
but i want you to be happy, smack that wide smile on your face.
i want to be the only hands you need to hold on to, the only person to lead you on.
and that only special person you would wana depend on.

i read it somewhere in your blog before.
you are never the kind that let your emotions show.
i can only guess, i can only feel,
but sometimes i feel that its only me
izit through hugs that i feel?
or kisses that i felt?
are holding hands what i feel it meant?
assurance,
thats what we both need.

all i want is the best for YOU.
you my princess, my love,
my silly dodo
my kaiqi.

his footsteps